I Want to Punch You in Your Cloud

Warning: This post is quite full of ranting and some lunatic raving (both of which may or may not make any sense). There is no point other than the rant. It’s a silly and shallow post day. On the plus side, there is a video wherein very creative usages of swears and insults abide.

You have been warned! 😉

Does anyone even know what the “Cloud” is? I vaguely do, but ultimately, I don’t know what the Cloud is that all these tech people (and I am including Hapa Papa) talk about all the time. I think it has something to do with storing stuff online instead of on your computer or something or other? I have no clue. Maybe it has something to do with crowd-sourcing? (I realize Google and wikipedia can solve this ignorance for me, but I honestly don’t care.)

All I know is that every time Hapa Papa mentions the Cloud, or Big Data, or whatever industry specific buzz word crap that he uses at these web analytics conferences, I want to punch him in the throat. Of course, he often says these words just to piss me off. It amuses him how quickly I go Hulk Smash on him as soon as he mentions the word, “Cloud.”

I’m not even sure why I am so virulently opposed to this technology or whatever. It’s probably the name. What a stupid name. Cloud. Does it communicate in rainbows and have unicorns and leprechauns, too? It just makes me so ANGRY. SO RIDICULOUSLY ANGRY. My reaction is totally out of sync with reality. I mean, really. There is no reason why I should get so mad when I hear these terms. But I do anyway.

Cloud.

It’s so pretentious. And ultimately, I think that’s what it is. I hate pretension. (It’s ironic since I am quite pretentious and full of myself. But that’s me, and I am awesome, so all my pretension is TRUE and based on FACT so therefore, not pretentious. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

Anyhow, to close out my rant, (and ignorance), a video for you. It is very meta and industry specific, but it is HILARIOUS. Especially for the insults (those kick in around the 1:45 mark). (The insults, I believe, will work in any situation.)

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